Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Christianity Bowl Auditions Scheduled

Faith Off has been commissioned by the digital TV station the Islam Channel in a bid to foster good relations and better understanding between different faiths.

The show is expected to feature all of the flashing lights, buzzers, puns and cheesy smiles common to ordinary game shows.

But instead of questions about celebrities and soaps, contestants will be expected to demonstrate their religious knowledge.

Two teams of four people will compete in each episode of the eight-part series, which will be hosted by Muslim comedian Jeff Mirza.

As well as being challenged to identify key figures such as the Dalai Lama and the Pope from grainy images, there will be multiple choice questions where contestants answer questions about their own, or another contestant’s religion.

Those taking part will be picked in part from respondents to online advertisements on Muslim websites, and in part via the Islam Channel’s networks.

The show’s producer, Abrar Hussain, has also produced a competition to find Britain’s best mosque.

"We’re living in a multifaith, multicultural society," he told the Guardian newspaper.

"You learn about religions at school and then you forget, so it's about transferring the basic blocks of knowledge.. it’s also about learning the similarities between religions, instead of focusing on the differences."

Dang it! If those Muslim immigrants can come up with a sure fire hit series for 1% of the population, why I should be able to come up with a Christianity Bowl for 85 or 90% of the population.

The Christianity Bowl will feature teams from the 35-50,000 different Christian denominations around the world, pitting them against each other in a series of run-offs starting with the "Sweet 1,024" which will put NCAA Basketball to shame.

We will need a few dozen philosophers, theologians, historians and liturgists to come up with a million or two questions. Most of them are generally out of work or under-employed, so I don't expect that to be a problem. A consolation bracket will have valuable door prizes for the contestants.

We will need to rent a Las Vegas hotel and conference room to schedule the auditions. That shouldn't be a problem in a time of $5 a gallon gas and $200 a ticket surcharges on airline seats.

I will be in charge of handling the gambling proceeds and TV contracts.

Christian teams will be graded not only on the correctness and completeness of their answers, but also on the orthodoxy of their sect.

My biggest problem will be getting a team of five impartial judges to vote on the the teams as they appear during the various shows of the "Final 1,024."

Applications may be forwarded to me with an unrefundable $2,000 deposit to handle handling expenses.

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